- Talking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.
- Listening to her non-judgementally.
- Being emotionally affirming and understanding.
- Valuing opinions.
Trust and Support
- Supporting her goals in life.
- Respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.
Honesty and Accountability
- Accepting responsibility for self.
- Acknowledging past use of violence.
- Admitting being wrong.
- Communicating openly and truthfully.
- Sharing parental responsibilities.
- Being a positive non-violent role model for the children.
- Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work.
- Making family decisions together.
- Making money decisions together.
- Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.
Negotiation and Fairness
- Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict.
- Accepting change.
- Being willing to compromise.
TYPES OF ABUSE – Non Equal Relationship
Know and Recognize the Behaviours that make up Family Violence
Blame and Denial
- Making unwanted sexual comments or touches.
- Controlling pregnancy, births, or abortion.
- Controlling the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.
- Forcing someone to perform degrading sexual acts.
- Forcing someone to watch pornography.
- Threatening to hurt.
- Hitting, pinching, biting, slapping, pushing, punching, kicking.
- Burning, shooting, stabbing.
- Throwing objects.
- Demonstrating jealousy.
- Watching where the vulnerable person goes, what they do and with whom they talk.
- Limiting the vulnerable person’s activities outside the home.
- Imposing the belief that abuse is triggered by jealousy.
- Minimizing abuse.
- Dismissing another person’s worries.
- Refusing to admit that abuse is going on.
- Not taking responsibility for their abusive behaviour.
- Blaming the vulnerable person for the abuse.
- Blaming the vulnerable person for breaking up the family and that it is not good for the children.
- Using the children to communicate between parents.
- Using visitation times to harass the vulnerable person.
- Instill fear by threatening to involve Children’s Services or the court system in seeking custody.
- Using religious or spiritual questioning to dominate another person.
- Forcing someone to adopt a particular religious belief.
- Forcing someone to abandon their religion.
- Making fun of the beliefs of another person.
Threats and Coercion
- Using money to dominate another person.
- Forcing one person to give them some or all of their pay cheque.
- Not allowing access to the family finances.
- Preventing a person from working outside the home.
- Forcing the vulnerable person to ask for money.
- Making threatening gestures.
- Frightening by stories or gestures (directly or indirectly).
- Manipulation by rumour or isolation.
- Destroying possessions.
- Abusing family pets.
- Criticizing, insulting.
- Isolating from family and friends.
- Threatening to separate or commit suicide if the vulnerable person doesn’t cooperate.
- Putting down the person and making them feel guilty.
- Jealous behaviour.
- Threatening to physically injure.
- Threatening to leave the relationship or to commit suicide or to report the vulnerable person to social services.
- Threatening to hurt the vulnerable person, the children, or the family pet.
- Threatening to leave with the children.
- Forcing the vulnerable person to act in an immoral or illegal way.