Family Abuse Prevention Centre

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Equal Non Violent Relationship

What does an equal non-violent relationship look like?

Non-Threatening Behaviour

  • Talking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.

Respect

  • Listening to her non-judgementally.
  • Being emotionally affirming and understanding.
  • Valuing opinions.

Trust and Support

  • Supporting her goals in life.
  • Respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.

Honesty and Accountability

  • Accepting responsibility for self.
  • Acknowledging past use of violence.
  • Admitting being wrong.
  • Communicating openly and truthfully.

Responsible Parenting

  • Sharing parental responsibilities.
  • Being a positive non-violent role model for the children.

Shared Responsibility

  • Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work.
  • Making family decisions together.

Economic Partnership

  • Making money decisions together.
  • Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.

Negotiation and Fairness

  • Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict.
  • Accepting change.
  • Being willing to compromise.

TYPES OF ABUSE – Non Equal Relationship

Know and Recognize the Behaviours that make up Family Violence

Blame and Denial

  • Making unwanted sexual comments or touches.
  • Controlling pregnancy, births, or abortion.
  • Controlling the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.
  • Forcing someone to perform degrading sexual acts.
  • Forcing someone to watch pornography.

Using Children

  • Threatening to hurt.
  • Hitting, pinching, biting, slapping, pushing, punching, kicking.
  • Burning, shooting, stabbing.
  • Throwing objects.
  • Demonstrating jealousy.

Spiritual Abuse

  • Watching where the vulnerable person goes, what they do and with whom they talk.
  • Limiting the vulnerable person’s activities outside the home.
  • Imposing the belief that abuse is triggered by jealousy.

Economic Abuse

  • Minimizing abuse.
  • Dismissing another person’s worries.
  • Refusing to admit that abuse is going on.
  • Not taking responsibility for their abusive behaviour.
  • Blaming the vulnerable person for the abuse.

Bullying

  • Blaming the vulnerable person for breaking up the family and that it is not good for the children.
  • Using the children to communicate between parents.
  • Using visitation times to harass the vulnerable person.
  • Instill fear by threatening to involve Children’s Services or the court system in seeking custody.

Psychological Abuse

  • Using religious or spiritual questioning to dominate another person.
  • Forcing someone to adopt a particular religious belief.
  • Forcing someone to abandon their religion.
  • Making fun of the beliefs of another person.

Threats and Coercion

  • Using money to dominate another person.
  • Forcing one person to give them some or all of their pay cheque.
  • Not allowing access to the family finances.
  • Preventing a person from working outside the home.
  • Forcing the vulnerable person to ask for money.

Sexual Abuse

  • Making threatening gestures.
  • Frightening by stories or gestures (directly or indirectly).
  • Manipulation by rumour or isolation.
  • Destroying possessions.
  • Abusing family pets.

Physical Abuse

  • Criticizing, insulting.
  • Isolating from family and friends.
  • Threatening to separate or commit suicide if the vulnerable person doesn’t cooperate.
  • Putting down the person and making them feel guilty.
  • Jealous behaviour.

Isolation

  • Threatening to physically injure.
  • Threatening to leave the relationship or to commit suicide or to report the vulnerable person to social services.
  • Threatening to hurt the vulnerable person, the children, or the family pet.
  • Threatening to leave with the children.
  • Forcing the vulnerable person to act in an immoral or illegal way.

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