What does an equal non-violent relationship look like?

Non-Threatening Behaviour

• Talking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.

Respect

• Listening to her non-judgementally.
• Being emotionally affirming and understanding.
• Valuing opinions.

Trust and Support

• Supporting her goals in life.
• Respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions.

Honesty and Accountability

• Accepting responsibility for self.
• Acknowledging past use of violence.
• Admitting being wrong.
• Communicating openly and truthfully.

Responsible Parenting

• Sharing parental responsibilities.
• Being a positive non-violent role model for the children.

Shared Responsibility

• Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work.
• Making family decisions together.

Economic Partnership

• Making money decisions together.
• Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.

Negotiation and Fairness

• Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict.
• Accepting change.
• Being willing to compromise.

TYPES OF ABUSE – Non Equal Relationship

Know and Recognize the Behaviours that make up Family Violence

Blame and Denial

• Making unwanted sexual comments or touches.
• Controlling pregnancy, births, or abortion.
• Controlling the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.
• Forcing someone to perform degrading sexual acts.
• Forcing someone to watch pornography.

Using Children

• Threatening to hurt.
• Hitting, pinching, biting, slapping, pushing, punching, kicking.
• Burning, shooting, stabbing.
• Throwing objects.
• Demonstrating jealousy.

Spiritual Abuse

• Watching where the vulnerable person goes, what they do and with whom they talk.
• Limiting the vulnerable person’s activities outside the home.
• Imposing the belief that abuse is triggered by jealousy.

Economic Abuse

• Minimizing abuse.
• Dismissing another person’s worries.
• Refusing to admit that abuse is going on.
• Not taking responsibility for their abusive behaviour.
• Blaming the vulnerable person for the abuse.

Bullying

• Blaming the vulnerable person for breaking up the family and that it is not good for the children.
• Using the children to communicate between parents.
• Using visitation times to harass the vulnerable person.
• Instill fear by threatening to involve Children’s Services or the court system in seeking custody.

Psychological Abuse

• Using religious or spiritual questioning to dominate another person.
• Forcing someone to adopt a particular religious belief.
• Forcing someone to abandon their religion.
• Making fun of the beliefs of another person.

Threats and Coercion

• Using money to dominate another person.
• Forcing one person to give them some or all of their pay cheque.
• Not allowing access to the family finances.
• Preventing a person from working outside the home.
• Forcing the vulnerable person to ask for money.

Sexual Abuse

• Making threatening gestures.
• Frightening by stories or gestures (directly or indirectly).
• Manipulation by rumour or isolation.
• Destroying possessions.
• Abusing family pets.

Physical Abuse

• Criticizing, insulting.
• Isolating from family and friends.
• Threatening to separate or commit suicide if the vulnerable person doesn’t cooperate.
• Putting down the person and making them feel guilty.
• Jealous behaviour.

Isolation

• Threatening to physically injure.
• Threatening to leave the relationship or to commit suicide or to report the vulnerable person to social services.
• Threatening to hurt the vulnerable person, the children, or the family pet.
• Threatening to leave with the children.
• Forcing the vulnerable person to act in an immoral or illegal way.